If You Rebuild It...

   


                       "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

This is an old saying, but it's truth stands the test of time. It speaks to giving the benefit of the doubt when someone has wronged you, and giving them the chance to possibly do it again, in turn, making you look foolish for trusting them. Ahhh, and there's that word...TRUST.

 Here's the thing about trust...it is vital to any and every relationship, but once it is broken, it is VERY difficult to get back. I say "difficult" rather than "impossible", because I like to think of myself as an optimist, and the word impossible is just so final.

Having been on both ends of broken trust in my life, I can honestly tell you that neither end is worse than the other...it all sucks. Repairing a broken trust is an arduous task and unless both parties are willing to do what it takes, it can't be done.

When someone has broken your trust, it causes you to question just about everything that is done or said. It can make you very paranoid and I HATE THAT! When you make the decision to give them the benefit of the doubt, as well as another chance, it would be great if you truly could clean the slate. Unfortunately, it's not that easy. I imagine that it goes back the the "fool me twice..." part of the saying. No one wants to look like an idiot, especially if you're being fooled again and you're the only one that doesn't know it. That's my biggest fear.

When you have had a trust broken, it does make it a bit easier to understand how the other person felt when you were the offending party...a difficult pill to swallow.

The bottom line is this: Trust is a fragile thing. If a bridge you were standing on, suddenly gives way beneath you, even though the engineers have assured you that the rebuilt bridge is stronger than ever, using the highest quality materials and most up-to-date bridge building techniques, from that point on, every time you stand on that bridge, no matter how stable it feels, there is a small part of you that will always be waiting for the bottom to drop out again.

Choose to trust my bridge, but be cautious? Don't mind if I do...

Pieces...

We all have lives.  Each of our lives are like puzzles.  All of the pieces fit, at one time or another.  Often times in life, new pieces are introduced to our puzzle...jobs, circumstances, relationships.  It is up to us how easy we make the assimilation of the new pieces, or whether we do at all.  We are very protective of our life, and sometimes our puzzles haven't changed in a long time, making the addition of new pieces more difficult.  Being the new piece attempting to add to someone else's already established life puzzle can be a challenge as well.  Change is hard and many people fear, and maybe even reject it.

I venture to say that it is with change that we grow.  Without changes to our puzzles, we wouldn't discover new passions, new careers, new loves...change is good.  I know that God is the one sitting at the table, working on my life puzzle, and I welcome the changes.  I strive to allow Him to put my life together with as many pieces as he sees fit...adding and taking away as He goes.

How's your attitude about your changing life puzzle?

Be a positive piece of YOUR life puzzle?  Don't mind if I do...that is, if you'll allow it.

Taking Out The Trash

For years, my mom has always said this to me:

 "If someone says something about you, take what is true, and throw the rest away." 

Sometimes this is a hard truth to swallow and even more difficult to put into practice. If you're like me, you don't want ANYONE, saying or thinking ANYTHING that is negative or less than flattering about you. For some reason, people, (some, not all) think that they have carte blanche to say whatever they think, feel or anything that crosses their minds, with no regard for the consequences of their words. I am here to tell you, this is not the case.  Words hurt and no matter how much you regret them, apologize for them, or wish that you hadn't said them, you can NEVER take them back...ever!

I pride myself on having a pretty strong filter with my words. No matter how upset, hurt, angry or entitled to my feelings I may be, I am very careful with the words that I use. I have been on the receiving end and/or victim, of some of these non-filtered types, that feel like they can say whatever hurtful words they choose, and that it's okay. Apologies are accepted, if offered, but the words are out there and are hard pressed to be forgotten.

One of the things I struggle with is the forgetting part of this scenario. I don't want to hold onto hurtful things from the past. God is dealing with me on that issue, and to be honest, I have a long way to go, but I am committed to living in today, letting go and letting God, and not being a bitter, angry person. My God is big enough to do that.

On that note...to all of those people that have spewed words of venom, hate, judgement, ridicule, and falsehoods in my direction, I forgive you. In due time, and with God's faithfulness, I'll forget as well.

Take what is true and throw the rest away? Don't mind if I do...

Batter Up!

God has been working on me lately.  I mean, He's always working...pruning, teaching, correcting, loving...but He has been dealing with me on a particular issue and a relationship that I long to repair.

I have begun a bible study called "Girlfriend Revolution".  It is all about building and fostering Godly friendships.  As usual, God's timing is impeccable.

Yesterday, He spoke to me clearly about this particular situation I am dealing with.  So clear, in fact, that I did exactly what He prompted me to do, yesterday afternoon.  I was nervous and scared, but I did it because it was the right thing to do.  I am proud of myself for putting His will before mine and being obedient, however, after the conversation begun, God threw me a curve ball.

I had prepared for the game.  I was prayed up...I was being obedient to His calling...I was open to what He had for the outcome.  But when I got up to bat, I found myself unprepared for the curve ball that was headed my way.  It was something that I did not expect and it totally caught me with my bat on my shoulder as it whizzed by.

As I was driving home, I cried...a lot.  I thought I would feel better, perhaps like a weight had been lifted, when I left.  That was not the case.  I felt a different weight...a weight of insecurity that I had not felt in THIS situation...a new layer to contend with.  Ugh...I didn't want to feel this way.

After grumbling, crying, being frustrated and just sad last night, I had a couple of realizations.  In taking from my bible study that morning, I remembered that satan is constantly trying to hurt us.  He does not want God to get any victories and for a few hours last night, I allowed him to rob me of the joy of my obedience.  The devil knows our weaknesses and he hits the exact button he needs to, in order to get our minds off of Godly things.  Yesterday, my button of choice was insecurity...and he punched it!  Secondly, I realized that in this situation, God revealed to me, yet again, that insecurity is an area I struggle with.  He longs to help me with that, and He sometimes has to give me reminders.  When He nudges us, it helps us to give it to Him...or in my case, give it BACK to Him (for probably the millionth time).

After a good run, lots of prayer, tears and a few hours of sleep, I woke up feeling better.  I felt myself starting to fall back into the funk this morning, when I was thinking about things, but this time, I stopped and prayed right then, while I was making lunches.  I recognized that it was not of God, and I prayed against satan invading my thoughts.  It went away immediately.  God is faithful!!!

As difficult as yesterday was, it was a good day.  I learned a lot, had some realizations, was obedient and I may or may not have begun to restore a long lost friendship...a good day indeed.

I will continue to practice for my game of life with God.  Someday, I hope that when I get thrown a curve ball, I will hit it out of the park...for HIS GLORY!


Let God make me His MVP? Don't mind if I do...

I'm Just Me

You know what I think is funny?  I think it's funny when people tell you that you're wrong if you don't do exactly what they would do in any given situation...or act how they would act...or respond as they would respond.  What's even more humorous than that?  When they tell you that you are "creepy and weird" or "abnormal", for the same reasons.   I'm sorry, but last time I checked, just because I don't do what "everyone" else does, does NOT make me wrong.  I stand by my belief system, and I won't be bullied, guilt ed or made to feel "creepy and weird" or "abnormal" to satisfy anyone else.  I'm just me...love it or leave it.

My mom always told me..."When someone says something about you, take what is true, and throw the rest out."  Good advice!

To whom it may concern:  You think I'm "creepy and weird" or "abnormal" because I don't do what you want me to do or what "everyone" else does?  Let me know how that works out for you.  On second thought, don't.

Embrace "creepy and weird" and "abnormal" to BE me, FOR me?  Don't mind if I do...

It's About Time

Sometimes, we do things that we don't want to do. Sometimes, the things we know we should do are the hardest to actually do. Sometimes, doing the right thing, hurts the most.

When we do what we know is right, it pays off...all the time. When we face the hard decisions, everyone is better off in the long run...all the time.  Following through yourself, or allowing someone to do so on your behalf, will give you such a feeling of freedom (eventually)...all the time.

Do what is right. Do the things that are difficult and that you don't want to do. Face your hurt, knowing in the long run, everyone will benefit.

Today, I did.

I didn't want to. It was hard. It hurt...still does.
It will pay off. We will all be better off. I am free.

Turn my "sometimes" into "all the time"? Don't mind if I do...

And...Action

Cause I know you're out there,
And you're, you're looking for me.
It's a crazy idea that you were made,
Perfectly for me...you'll see.

 Just like the movies. That's how it will be.
Cinematic and dramatic with the perfect ending.
It's not like the movies, but that's how it will be.
When he's the one, you'll come undone,
And your world will stop spinning,
And it's just the beginning...




Wait for the fairy tale ending to my movie?  Don't mind if I do...

Silence Is Golden...isn't it?

One of the hardest things for me to do is to just be quiet. When I am in a conflict, I have a tendency to talk too much. This is never more true than when I feel that the other person in the conflict has a bad taste in their mouth about me. I feel I need to change their mind, prove they're wrong and/or convince them to see my side of things. More often than not, this comes back to bite me. Instead of making things better, it typically does nothing but make things worse.

 I believe that when you are in a misunderstanding, it is important to address your views and thoughts about the situation. Both parties should be able to do that when good communication is employed. Where I go wrong, is I can't seem to leave it at that...especially if the other person has, what I perceive to be, the wrong idea about me, my value system or how I've handled things. I always want to get my two cents worth in, in hopes they will come to my way of thinking. This RARELY happens. Instead, I end up talking too much, and sometimes saying things to try and get my point across. Things that could wind up hurtful and still not get me any closer to closing the gap between our thoughts and feelings. I want to, no NEED to, get better about being quiet.

If I have learned nothing, it is that you can not, no matter how hard you try, change someone's perception. Their perception is their reality, just as mine is mine, and you've got a better than no chance that it's going to be any different...no matter how hard you try. The outcome will be worse, and more than likely more hurtful, the more words you use.

To those that I have hurt by saying too much, I apologize.  It is never my intention to make a situation worse, and I am truly sorry for the times that I have.

  The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. 
                                                                                                                   Proverbs 17:27-28


 Silence IS golden...God said it Himself and who am I to question?

 Learn to be golden? Don't mind if I do...

I Want To Dance

While I was watching an episode of "The Voice" last season (still one of my favorite shows), I discovered my love for the music of Florence + The Machine. I'm sure you have heard of them, but if you haven't, you MUST Google, or YouTube, or Spotify, or Pandora, or SoundHound them immediately!!

Their latest song is my new favorite. I have always enjoyed this song, but until this morning, I had only really listened to it while sitting down or in the car. Today was different.

I had been searching for the MP3 of that song and finally found it. I hit play and went to the kitchen to toast a bagel. As the song kicked in, I found myself dancing around the kitchen. Now, it's not unusual for me to dance from time to time, but this dancing was different. This was the hands over head, swaying back and forth, jumping up and down, kind of dancing...picture the flower child/hippie chick in the field of flowers. It caught me off guard but I LOVED it! That song frees me up and it almost made me cry as I danced. I love the lyrics and the beat and it moved me.

"I like to keep my issues drawn. It's always darkest before the dawn."

I love this line. My life is in a major transition right now. Job changes, career path discovered, blessings abounding. My life has been dark...welcome to my dawn!

Give it a listen and see if the inner hippie in you comes out.

"It's hard to dance with the devil on your back, so shake him off!"

Shake it out? Don't mind if I do...

*gets on her soapbox*

I haven't blogged in a while, because, to be honest, I just haven't really felt like it. Maybe it's because my life has been fairly even keeled lately. I suppose that is a good thing, no? *shrugs* Nothing terrible, yet nothing fantastic to report. Until now...

I have never been one to keep things bottled up inside. If something bothers me, or someone does something that hurts my feelings, I hold onto it for a very short time before I want to get it out in the open and talk about it. Why bottle things up? That only hurts you. Get it out on the table, figure out how to fix it and then move forward. This has always been my philosophy and, for the most part, it has served me well. That being said...the last couple of years, I have strayed from that a bit. I have learned, through trial and error, that sometimes bringing things to light does no good for anyone involved. I have held my tongue more times than I can count when I could have, and would have had every right to, say some rather harsh things. Perhaps I'm too nice. Perhaps saying exactly how I feel about something or someone that has done me wrong is precisely what I should do. Perhaps I am learning that sometimes, it's just not worth it in the long run. Perhaps I am learning to cut my losses...perhaps.

Which brings me to what is on my heart and mind today. It isn't anything specifically about me or my life per say, however it's something that I have been seeing as of late and I CAN NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE! It has been bothering me for the last couple of days and I felt compelled to write my thoughts.

I have made mistakes in my life...lots of them. Some big, some not so big, some HUGE! I'm fairly certain I'm not alone here. I have learned from my mistakes and as a Christian, I am forgiven.

Here's where I may differ from some others out there. Through the making of my mistakes, I have learned to not judge others. As Christians, we are taught not to judge, yet we are some of the biggest judges on the planet. We are forgiven by Christ, yet, we struggle to forgive others when they make mistakes. Nothing burns me up more than to see a Christian that has made obvious mistakes themselves, judge someone harshly for making some of the same mistakes. UGH!

When we make mistakes and maybe even get off the path God would have for us, then we return to Him, it is something to be thankful for. However, that does not give us the right to look down, or speak harshly about someone that hasn't quite gotten back where they need to be. You have been there, done that...GET OFF OF YOUR PEDESTAL! I was never a judgmental person to begin with, but I REALLY am not one now. Who in the world am I to judge anyone? I live in a huge glass house! and P.S...SO. DO. YOU.

Christians, we can disagree with choices our brothers and sisters make, pray for them, offer to help in any way we can, but we do not have the right to speak badly of them, ESPECIALLY when we have been where they are! Keep your opinions to yourselves, even if they seem spiritual in nature. There are people out there that know EXACTLY where we've been and what we have done, so when you come across as holier than thou, it gives Christians the judgmental label that we complain about and reel against. And frankly, it makes me sick to my stomach!!

If you have a past and have made mistakes, and who hasn't, find a humble heart. Be grateful for where you are and from where God has brought you and get off your judgment seat, because you're not fooling anyone! In the long run, everyone will be better off...including your glass house.

Invite my fellow mistake making, God loving, non-judgmental Christians INTO my glass house? Don't mind if I do...